I'm stuck in purgatory.

I'm currently in Coron, Philippines. I've recovered from a nasty case of food poisoning. This country has been so difficult to navigate - you have to take a long ass ferry ride or expensive flight to get anywhere. So we are escaping to Thailand in 2 days. I look forward to stability, infrastructure, FRUITS, and maybe even getting my hair dyed.

Much has happened. I’m currently checked out in a hostel, still in Taiwan. But I fly to Cambodia tomorrow. I have to stay overnight in TPE, which I’m completely dreading.

After I escaped the depressing dog boarding house situation in Tamsui, I had a beautiful, life-affirming experience with a wonderful friend in Taoyuan. It was cozy, heart-warming, wholesome, yummy, unforgettable.

Then there was the monastery era. It feels like it was all a fever dream. So much happened. Too much. Don’t ask me what I learned about humanistic Buddhism.

I still dream about the beautiful teahouse that overlooked the monastery and the golden Buddha and the wide open sky.

I really miss Micco.

I have nothing positive to say right now or lately so I won't say anything at all!

I've spent a little more than a month here in Jeju and feel like I've done fuck all. At least I hiked Hallasan and summited. It's been an unusual experience here, but it's been an extremely peaceful era.

I started watching LOST and it's great.

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into mine.

I thought I met someone special I let my walls down the walls that I've built as a female solo long term traveler because people especially men are especially evil and when you're alone in the unknown all the time everything is heightened everything is fight or flight around strangers especially beautiful ones and i enjoy my solitude i enjoy my peace i enjoy my own company i enjoy myself i enjoy my humor i enjoy my hobbies i enjoy my blue hair i enjoy my safety so when i decide to temporarily tear down some bricks from my wall to let someone in its risky and terrifying but i do it anyways because despite everything i want to love like ive never been hurt before my intentions are always pure and honest my heart is always open to whatever the univerise offers and maybe there were a few quiet sirens in the distance as i let him in maybe there was a warning call maybe i shoved my hand over the mouth of my woman's intuition maybe i was stupid maybe i was really fucking stupid maybe i need to work on some things still maybe i need a lobotomy a spiritual castration an exorcism that spans across my entire ancestral lineage a karmic redistribution a great awakening a third baptism a kind comment from a sagacious elderly white woman with tevas and a canvas tote bag and long curly gray hair in the organic tampons aisle of whole foods.

my birthday is sunday.

Hi. Many life updates. I fled Port Macquarie for Seoul. I began to feel that my time in Australia needed to come to an end. I felt like my story was over. I could have gone to Perth, gotten any old job, chilled for 6 months, save up. But would I be happy? My main goal in Australia besides sight seeing was the dog sledding job. And since that chapter ended abruptly and permanently, I felt like there was nothing left for me to conquer or explore.

It felt sad and strange to leave the country where I spent the last 9 months in. Although it ended on a low note (I had haters in my hostel) and I was ready and willing to leave and never come back, it still felt bitter sweet. It was my home for so long, I experienced so many beautiful things. I'm extremely thankful for all of the beautiful things I was able to see in nature: the sunset in Lancelin, King's Beach in Byron Bay, baby possums riding on their mom's backs, bottle feeding baby wallabies, so many spiders, and a black dingo named Milo. I accomplished everything (except the dog sledding job lol) that I wanted. I'm lucky and priviledged to have had all of the experiences I've lived.

I defintely like Tokyo/Japan more than Seoul. The 7 elevens are mid and I get glares from so many ajummas in the street (not that I care). But I'm very close with one of my coworkers. We connect so well, almost like we've been friends for years.

I think this will be an experience that I'll look back on and think of it as one of the happiest and fun times of my life. I'm trying very hard to be present and feel gratitude in every moment. It's been very fun.

The word yapper makes me cringe.

i found out a man i had an unreciprocated crush on is gay so i feel validated and free from the chains of insecurity. i need to decide soon when i will leave Australia. ideally i want to explore the rest of SEA and do a work exchange at an english cafe in Seoul. okinawa is calling me... i think i will spend december in japan with a bestie i met there last year.

i got back into my jewelry making hobby, ive made seashell earrings, an anklet, a choker, and im trying to figure out a design for earrings im making out of sylvanian chihuahua baby twins (:

i have so much more to say but idk who stalks this so i will stop here for now.

Well. Life update! I quit my job at the dog sledding gig LMFAOOOOOO. uhm. i had two toxic coworkers and i was tired of the cold and my cabin didnt have heat for days and i didnt get paid for the one weekend i worked at one of the resorts where we did a dog sled tour. it was so chaotic. i cried so much.

but right now im living my best life. truly. im house sitting in a beautiful, big, cozy, warm house with one of my greatest friends and also babysitting a very cute 3 year old pitbull. im in my fun relaxing stay at home house wife unemployment era. doing my little house chores, taking walks, reading, Baby Reindeer, candles, microwave brownies, strawberry wine, collecting sea shells, Love Island, painting my nails.

I need a lower back transplant.

I'm sorry I have failed you, oh sweet online diary! So much has happened since my last entry. I went to Borneo, completed a work exchange with baby kangaroos and possums, I spent a gloriously chaotic week in Sydney with a good friend, and now I'm back in Melbourne. It's cold, it's fall. I've been running around the city on errands, trying to find the very specific clothes and snacks I need for my upcoming job. I'm quite anxious and when I'm anxious I'm shy and I retreat into myself and I've been rotting in bed. I'm currently binging Sharp Objects. I crave romance. A mouse tried eating my bag of rolled oats.

once again I find myself unsure of what I should do with myself. i'm in another small town in Western Australia, in a dead hostel, aimless, longing, so close to restless. i start an exciting work exchange in a few weeks but until then i have so much time to kill. i'm trying to use this free time to revisit my writing. i haven't looked at it since the farm.

the devil taunted me recently - yet another archetype of relentless southern european toxic masculinity tried to burgle into my paradise. but im thankful that im 30 and with 30 comes wisdom and the self-discipline of 1,000 buddhist monks. his insolence was so unbridled and honest that it was almost admirable.